8 Ways Of Saying No To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder & How To Get Help

Saying No To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

It might be challenging to say no to someone with BPD or borderline personality disorder. When you love someone or have a spouse with BPD, you may find yourself walking on eggshells regularly, not knowing when you’ll catch a glimpse of BPD’s wrath or experience the consequences of your loved one’s fear of abandonment. You may believe that you can’t do anything correctly or that you are always setting them off. You may be emotionally exhausted and at a loss for words, ready to call it quits.

When you don’t have the condition yourself, it’s hard to understand why your loved one with BPD has these explosive reactions. You will have to say no, or assert your boundaries. This “no” could be a plan, an idea, or a request. Whatever it is, you need help navigating BPD signs and symptoms.

Unstable interpersonal relationships are a hallmark of borderline personality disorder. So how do you love someone with borderline personality disorder in a way that honors them and yourself? Often, it starts with recognizing the realness of BPD, making room for yourself in the relationship, and putting an end to rescuer-rescuee dynamics. It’s crucial to remember that you cannot heal your loved one’s BPD. Instead, encouraging high-quality mental health treatment is essential.

After all, while your loved one may struggle with BPD, they also love, value, and want to know you. An authentic relationship can only happen when both participants contribute to creating a meaningful social bond. Allow yourself and your loved one the opportunity to do that.

At the same time, don’t blame borderline personality disorder for all of your loved one’s emotions. BPD does not preclude genuine grievances or the expression of sentiments that are not influenced by dysfunction. Recognize your loved one’s whole humanity, think about what they are telling you, and accept errors if you make them. Remember that doing this is easier when your loved one is on board with strengthening and fixing themselves, openly acknowledges their BPD diagnosis, is in BPD treatment, or is willing to seek an evaluation with a professional. 

Borderline Personality Disorder Statistics

In the United States, recent research has shown that 1.6% of the population has BPD. That number may seem small, but when you consider just how large the United States is, you may realize that 1.6% represents quite a large number of people. Borderline personality disorder is one of the most challenging mental health disorders to manage. Looking for effective ways how to motivate someone with borderline personality disorder? It is best managed with an interprofessional team, including psychiatrists, psychologists, pharmacists, mental health nurses, and social workers. [1]

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8 Ways Of Saying No To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

1. Clarify if it’s a “hard no” (never happening) or a “not now” (will happen shortly). The word “maybe” can be frustrating and anxiety-inducing. Try not to use it. Be direct whenever possible.
2. Give your side of the story. If you’re saying no because of your anxiety over a particular activity, be open about your feelings so your loved one with BPD can better see things from your perspective instead of getting stuck in their own emotions.
3. If your no is actually “not now,” suggest a few alternate days or times. This helps your loved one remember that they still matter and shows that you care about them just as much as they care about you. It also lessens the blow of disappointment and gives them something to look forward to.
4. If your no is a “hard no,” try to create an alternative idea, plan, or compromise. But only if it’s possible, realistic, and if you want to. Don’t ever do something just because you feel forced to do it. That will only hurt both of you in the end.
5. If they seem to be getting upset or becoming passive-aggressive, ask your loved one how they feel. Expressing this can help your loved one let off steam. It could also help you develop a better alternative for both of you.
6. Reassure your loved one that your reason for saying no has nothing to do with them as a person, nor does it change anything about your relationship or your love for them. Even if you’ve already told them your reason for saying no, sometimes it’s not enough to know the why (especially if you’ve been fighting over your no).
7. Be in the habit of sticking with the plan or with things you say you’ll do. Try not to cancel, push the time back, or not follow through, as that can cause anxiety for someone with BPD.
8. Above all else, be patient and consistent. This may seem like a lot of work to assert a boundary. It is. It’s not easy for loved ones with BPD and those trying to learn how to motivate someone with borderline personality disorder. But with lots of patience, consistency, time & professional help, there’s hope for BPD relationships. Consistency helps us know what to expect. 

How To Talk To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?

It is essential to avoid giving in to a BPD person’s impulsive acts while you are learning how to motivate someone with borderline personality disorder. While there are extreme lows associated with BPD, there are also extreme highs, and it can be easy to get sucked in. Be careful and understand these highs are also symptoms and can plummet to a low very quickly. Here are a few essential pointers for communicating with someone with borderline personality disorder healthily and productively:

How To Motivate Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?

An essential part of loving someone with BPD is realizing that you cannot fix them. You can have a close, loving, meaningful relationship with them and provide invaluable support, but you cannot heal their illness. What you can do is help them connect with high-quality treatment options. Skilled clinicians use a range of therapeutic modalities, including dialectical behavioral therapy and trauma-focused therapies, to help clients find lasting relief from BPD symptoms and restore emotional and behavioral harmony. Of course, a crucial part of healing from borderline personality disorder is creating more stable interpersonal relationships with loved ones.

How To Support Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?

If you have a friend or family member with borderline personality disorder (BPD), you know the stress of this challenging problem. And you may be at a loss for how you can respond helpfully. The nature of BPD makes relationships intense and stressful. The family and friends of a person diagnosed with BPD usually have questions about how to help. Support systems can be essential in helping someone with borderline personality disorder manage and reduce troubling symptoms.

The following strategies are effective on how to deal with someone who has borderline personality disorder:

• Learn about BPD.

The first step for family, friends and other support people who want to offer meaningful help is to learn about BPD. You will more likely react to problematic behaviors in a supportive way when the underlying cause for the behavior is understood.

• Show confidence and respect.

There is a significant association between BPD and early-life trauma. Early childhood trauma diminishes a person’s sense of safety and control regarding themselves, others, and the world. How to communicate with someone with borderline personality disorder? You must approach the relationship in a way that promotes trust and respect, which can be helpful and healing to a person with BPD.

• Be trustworthy

Many people with BPD have a history of attachment problems, which creates a sense of fear and mistrust. As a support person, you must be consistent and honest.

• Manage conflict with attachment.

Support people can provide perspective and help the person with BPD recognize conflict as part of a healthy relationship. When a support person stays engaged despite difficulties, there is a sense of acceptance and attachment that can heal and create meaningful change in BPD.

• Encourage Professional Help.

How to deal with someone with borderline personality disorder? It’s always best to seek professional help trained in dealing with mental disorders. Mental health professionals can assess for other mental disorders requiring treatment, such as anxiety and depression. Support people can provide information and assist with arranging appointments if needed. Knowing help is available can create hope for people with BPD.

• Identify strengths.

BPD can be understood as a self-identity problem. People with BPD are unsure of themselves and how others view them. But every person has strengths and abilities. Support people can help by identifying positive characteristics and specific abilities they have noticed. You can share with them the best jobs for someone with borderline personality disorder. Many people with BPD feel emotions profoundly and find working in a caring role fulfilling. They can try teaching, childcare, nursing and animal care jobs if they are empathetic people.

• Have fun together.

One of the most helpful and healing things a support person can do is suggest a healthy activity that is mutually enjoyable, such as a walk in nature, gardening, attending a concert, or watching a funny movie. These self-soothing activities benefit the person with BPD and those learning how to motivate someone with borderline personality disorder while developing a healthy attachment.

• Take suicide seriously.

People with BPD are more at risk for suicide than the general population. If a person talks about ending their life or makes suicidal gestures, it is essential to ask if they are serious about killing themselves. Let the person know that if you are concerned for their safety, you will act because you care. If in doubt, seek help through a crisis phone line or mental health services available in your local area.

• Be self-aware.

With consistent and appropriate support, the impact of BPD on the individual and their family and friends can be reduced. How to live with someone with borderline personality disorder? Developing your capacity to respond helpfully is one of the most meaningful things you can do for someone struggling with BPD.

Being Married To Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

How To Help Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder?

Call us now for a free mental health assessment! In addition, for the substance abuse or dual diagnosis approach, We Level Up FL inpatient treatment, inpatient medical detox, and residential primary addiction treatment may be available at our affiliated facility. For more BPD treatment resources, call us about your loved one’s symptoms, and we can help you determine the cause and develop a treatment plan.

Living With Someone Who Has Borderline Personality Disorder Top FAQs