Emotionally Unavailable Men: 5 Effective Signs To Be Aware Of
Fear of being dominated, especially in a relationship, is the fundamental characteristic that both emotionally unavailable men and women share. One of the biggest fears of males is “losing” oneself in a relationship. The fear of closeness, the avoidance of intimacy, and the sensation of being “clung to” or controlled by a love partner are all characteristics of emotionally unavailable people. Keep reading to learn more about Emotionally Unavailable Men.
By We Level Up FL Treatment Center | Editor Yamilla Francese | Clinically Reviewed By Lauren Barry, LMFT, MCAP, QS, Director of Quality Assurance | Editorial Policy | Research Policy | Last Updated: February 6, 2023
Emotionally Unavailable Men: Men That Are Emotionally Unavailable
Men And Emotional Affairs: Emotional Men
Fear of being dominated, especially in a relationship, is the fundamental characteristic that both emotionally unavailable men and women share.
One of the biggest fears of males is “losing” oneself in a relationship. The fear of closeness, the avoidance of intimacy, and the sensation of being “clung to” or controlled by a love partner are all characteristics of emotionally unavailable people.
Many believe that those who are emotionally unavailable want to avoid romantic or committed partnerships because they prefer to remain single. It’s rarely a decision; more often than not, it’s a subconscious protection mechanism.
The unfortunate and paradoxical thing about being emotionally unavailable is that, despite wanting a connection the most, they are often too terrified to make it.
According to San Francisco-based psychologist Mark Fromm, Ph.D., closeness is the main problem for emotionally unavailable people, and the issue is typically rooted in upsetting childhood or family events.
According to Fromm, experiencing emotional closeness with another person is equivalent to being smothered or losing oneself. It’s a means of avoiding their greatest phobia of letting someone in and getting to know them, only to have that person reject them or betray their confidence later.
But don’t be deceived. Not all emotionally unavailable individuals have been single their entire lives. Your needs and wants in the relationship are probably not being addressed if you’re dating or married to an emotionally unavailable individual; you might even show more love, care, and devotion than you get in return.
Some people have gone so far as to compare their partner’s seeming lack of affection to emotional abuse because it makes them feel unworthy.
Are Women More Emotional Than Men?
There is a common perception that women are more sensitive than men. According to a recent study, there is no truth to it.
The authors of a study that was featured in the journal Scientific Reports said that historically, women have even been prohibited from taking part in studies since it has been assumed that they are more sensitive.
The reason for this restriction, according to the researchers, is in part because it is thought that women’s “ovarian hormone fluctuations” can lead to changes in their behavior, including their emotions, “that could not be controlled experimentally.”
In addition, there are biases in how people view the emotions of men and women.
According to a news release from the University of Michigan (U-M), senior author Adriene Beltz of the study, “For instance, a man whose emotions change throughout a sporting game is labeled as ‘passionate’.” However, a woman is deemed “irrational” if her emotions alter in response to any occurrence, even one that she caused.
Are men More Emotional Than Women?
Over the course of 75 days, the researchers examined 142 men and women for their study, according to U-M. The women were then divided into four groups, one of which had women who were naturally menstruating while the other three were made up of women who had been using various oral contraceptives for at least three months.
The participants received a specific link to a 20-minute online survey each day at 5:00 p.m., which they were instructed to complete after 8:00 p.m. or before going to bed. They completed the Positive and Negative Affect Schedule (PANAS), which asked them to rate the intensity of 10 positive and 10 negative feelings they had experienced over the previous 24 hours on a scale from 1 (very slightly/not at all) to 5. (extremely).
The researchers concluded that there was “minimal evidence for sex differences” after examining the subjects’ emotional swings in three different ways.
Beltz stated in a news release that “we also found no major differences between the groups of women, making apparent that emotional highs and lows are caused by many elements – not just hormones.”
The researchers concluded that there is “limited evidence” that ovarian hormones affected variations in women to a greater extent than the biopsychosocial elements that affect daily emotion in men. Men’s and women’s daily emotions fluctuate “to similar extents,” they added.
Are Men More Emotional Than Women? This demonstrates that men and women genuinely experience “identical levels of affective fluctuation,” or as U-M phrased it, “ride the same emotional rollercoaster,” according to the study. However, the mechanisms underlying them may “systematically” differ across the sexes.
Are Men And Women Equally Emotional?
Are Men Or Women More Emotional? According to Beltz, “Our study presents psychological evidence that is unique in demonstrating that the initial rationale for omitting women (because shifting ovarian hormones, and subsequently emotions, confounded trials) were erroneous.
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Anxiety Fact Sheet
Your brain and behavior are both impacted by the condition of addiction. Substance addiction makes it unable to resist the impulse to use the drug, regardless of how harmful it may be. The sooner you receive treatment for drug addiction, the better your chances are of avoiding some of the disease’s more serious side effects.
Behavioral: hypervigilance, irritability, or restlessness.
Cognitive: lack of concentration, racing thoughts, or unwanted thoughts.
Whole body: fatigue or sweating
Also common: anxiety, excessive worry, angor animi, fear, insomnia, nausea, palpitations, or trembling
- Support group: A place where those pursuing the same disease or objective, such as weight loss or depression, can receive counseling and exchange experiences.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy: A conversation treatment that aimed to change the negative attitudes, actions, and feelings connected to psychiatric discomfort.
- Counseling psychology: A subfield of psychology that handles issues with the self that are connected to work, school, family, and social life.
- Anger management: To reduce destructive emotional outbursts, practice mindfulness, coping skills, and trigger avoidance.
- Psychoeducation: Mental health education that also helps individuals feel supported, validated, and empowered
- Family therapy: psychological counseling that improves family communication and conflict resolution.
It’s critical to understand the distinction between anxiety and depression. Anxiety, in its most basic form, is an excessive feeling of worry, whereas depression, in its most basic form, is an excessive feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. It is conceivable for someone to experience depression and anxiety simultaneously.
GAD affects 6.8 million adults or 3.1% of the U.S. population, yet only 43.2% are receiving treatment.
Source: National Institute on Mental Health
19 million adults experience specific phobias, making it the most common anxiety disorder in America.
Source: ADAA, 2020
Major depressive disorder affects approximately 17.3 million American adults or about 7.1% of the U.S. population aged 18 and older.
Source: National Institute of Mental Health
Why Am I Attracted To Emotionally Unavailable Men? Anxiety and Emotionally Immature Men
Men’s Emotions In Relationships and Anxiety
All emotionally unavailable people experience periods of anxiety and/or depression, but they are typically unaware of these episodes since they are so oblivious to their emotions. Fear, which includes the following fears: intimacy, being overwhelmed, being wounded, being judged, having an irrational dread of dying, and/or being exposed as being less than who they think they are, is one of the core causes of emotional unavailability.
Anxiety is about fear. When we examine the emotionally unavailable individual more closely, we find that they nearly always struggle with toxic guilt, thoughts of inadequacy, emotions of inadequacy, or just plain terrible sentiments.
A person who is emotionally unavailable frequently gives off conflicting signals. Even though they may claim to require or want closeness, their behavior belies that claim. Even when proximity is felt, they may withdraw or shut down, reestablishing distance.
Emotional withdrawal is typically a defense or protective technique. However, this frequently results in their partner feeling insecure, anxious, or worse, like they’ve been abandoned or rejected.
5 Sings of Emotionally Unavailable Men: Emotionally Unavailable Men Pattern
Emotionally Unavailable Men Characteristics
1. Men And Emotions: When it comes to real-life conversations, they run
You two enjoy each other’s company and have a really lively sexual connection. When talking about your outfit choice, dinner plans, or friends, the conversation flows easily. He tunes out, though, when you start talking more passionately about your family or your future plans. An emotionally distant man struggles to know how to participate in tough conversations.
In certain cases, he might be able to listen, but he’s emotionally suppressing that ability to do so in order to keep you from getting too close. If that’s the case, you’ll probably feel alone and shut down. A spouse in a healthy relationship tries to make you feel listened to, connected to, and supported.
2. Emotions For Men: Their relationship history speaks loudly
Even while we can’t evaluate everyone based purely on their past, it’s crucial to consider a person’s relationship history when considering a potential partner. Relationship behaviors including engaging, responding, loving, reciprocating, and listening are built on regular reactions that are frequently automatic and unconscious. Therefore, if someone has acted in a specific way in the past, it is likely that they will replicate those behaviors in their current relationships unless they have engaged in some serious introspection and made intentional changes.
3. Why Don’t Men Show Emotion? Intermittent Responsiveness
There is some level of communication and responsiveness, both in person and on the phone, when we are in a good relationship. Communication from someone who is emotionally unavailable will show that. They will occasionally try to connect with you and converse with you, and other times they will remain mute and reply several hours later.
We are all aware that it is OK to occasionally be unresponsive when we are busy. However, there will be a normalization of this lack of communication or patchy emotional presence when it comes to someone who is emotionally absent. Please take a breath and pause if you feel like you’re looking for a response or trying to figure out if they care about you.
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4. Why Are Men Emotionally Unavailable? The Energy is Non-Committal
Do you recognize the peaceful sensation you experience when spending time with someone who merely loves you? Think about your childhood best friend, your sibling, or a close friend who is there for you through good times and bad. Our bodies are aware of the energy around us. This idea, that we have a “felt sense,” a feeling that gives us the “good feels” or the “yucky feelings,” is discussed in somatic therapy. Being around someone who is emotionally unavailable causes your body to become tense and angry because you can feel his lack of commitment.
5. Men Who Are Emotionally Unavailable: You feel insecure and misunderstood
The ability of your words to be heard is half the battle; the other half is having someone actually care about and value your feelings. You’ll probably feel ignored and misunderstood when Mr. Unavailable is the one in whom you’ve invested your emotional energy. He may be “listening” to your comments, but he isn’t really making an effort to get to know you or comprehend how the event you’re discussing affected you.
He may even become irritated when you feel upset by his lack of concern. He might accuse you of being overly dependent and complicated because “he’s trying.” You can feel self-conscious and insecure after hearing this. You may believe that your terrible feelings are a result of what he stated about how much you need, but in reality, your uneasiness stems from the fact that you are interacting with someone who does not make you feel safe and secure.
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Emotionally Abusive Men: Emotionally Unstable Men
The act of controlling someone else emotionally by criticizing, humiliating, shaming, blaming, or otherwise manipulating them is known as emotional abuse. Mental or emotional abuse can happen in any connection, including those with friends, family, and coworkers, despite being more often in dating and married partnerships.
The main objective of emotional abuse is to isolate, discredit, and silence the other person in order to exert control over them. One of the most difficult types of abuse to spot because it can be sneaky and subtle. It can, however, also be overt and deceptive.
Emotional abuse can undermine your self-esteem in either case, and you can start to question your views and reality. Finally, you might feel confined. People who have experienced emotional abuse are frequently too hurt to remain in the relationship but also too terrified to abandon it. So, until something is done, the cycle will continue.
What Age Do Men Emotionally Mature?
When Do Men Emotionally Mature? A UK study found that men do not reach emotional maturity until they are 43 years old. This maturity assessment is not based on scientific principles because social constructions play a significant role in maturity. The study used surveys to find out what men and women thought of their own maturity, how they felt about it, and whether or not they thought the other gender was mature at a particular age.
At What Age Do Men Emotionally Mature? According to the study’s findings, men are not seen as mature until they are 43 years old. Some of the immature characteristics mentioned included boasting, leaning excessively on their mothers, giggling at gaseous emissions, and eating fast food in the early morning.
Men And Divorce Emotional Stages
Men’s feelings following a divorce may differ. However, grief, tiredness, rage, bitterness, and regret can drag people down into a bottomless pit of negativity and sap their will to live. Even modest reminders of your life’s blessings can at times make a difference.
Men Emotionally Abused By Wives
Men can experience emotional abuse as well, which is less frequently acknowledged than the abuse of women. Unfortunately, but unavoidably, both genders are capable of emotionally abusing men just as much as they do women. Additionally, the emotional abuse of men is just as wrong as the emotional abuse of women.
Although the precise figures of its incidence are unknown due to a lack of research, emotional abuse of men is more prevalent than previously believed. About 40% of domestic violence cases include violence committed by women against men.
Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?
Your relationship isn’t necessarily doomed if the other person is emotionally distant from you. Even if you beg and nag, your partner might not agree to the notion of counseling. Count yourself fortunate. Before getting married or having kids, you’re finding that your partner isn’t prepared to alter his lifestyle in order to make you or anybody else feel loved and cared for. Many people aren’t as lucky and wind up being married to emotionally distant partners, only to find themselves in relationships that leave them feeling unfulfilled and unwanted.
Before deciding to separate or get a divorce, Peterson advises that if your spouse is emotionally unavailable, you should always consider marriage counseling. “I’ve seen people with these kinds of issues find great benefit in marriage counseling.”
When discussing their feelings about the marriage in front of an impartial, trained professional, each participant in marriage therapy sheds new insight on the issues in the marriage. The emotionally distant partner could feel more compelled to explain their side in a manner that their partner can comprehend. Additionally, the partner can talk openly about the discomfort it causes without worrying about being ignored or disregarded.
Sometimes the emotionally unavailable partner doesn’t recognize the level of agony they are causing until a professional witness their spouse’s frustration and suffering, according to Fromm.
The person in a relationship with an emotionally unavailable partner ultimately decides whether to keep it going. Additionally, keep in mind that if you have kids with an emotionally distant partner, your kids might pick up certain relationship-related attitudes and beliefs that make them emotionally distant when they get older.
People only change when they’re ready to change, according to Peterson. “People won’t change if you adore them or implore them or threaten them,” he adds. “It’s probably not going to work out if you’re with someone who is emotionally unavailable and you’re trying to make them change,” the author said.
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The definition of dual diagnosis (also referred to as co-occurring disorders) can differ between institutions. However, it is generally described as the specific treatment of someone who has been diagnosed with a substance use disorder and a mental health disorder at the same time. Treating dual-diagnosis clients is a critical aspect of our inpatient treatment experience because co-occurring disorders are strongly correlated with instances of substance abuse.
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Emotionally Unavailable Men FAQs
Why Do Men Have Emotional Affairs?
Feeling ignored, misunderstood, or disregarded in a relationship can lead to emotional affairs. A person might start a friendship with a new person who offers greater emotional investment and support if they feel their partner doesn’t value them or doesn’t have time for them.
Can Men Close Emotional Intelligence Skills Gaps In Dating?
There is a “skills imbalance” that men need to solve if they want to be effective hetero daters since women prefer “guys who are emotionally open, good communicators, who share comparable values,” according to the author Greg Matos, PsyD.
Do Men Have Better Sex With Emotionally Unstable Women?
According to a study, males enjoy having sex more with emotionally unstable women.
According to a 1,000-person German survey, women prefer men who are less affable yet pay attention to detail.
Why Are Women More Emotional Than Men?
Men and women genuinely experience “identical levels of affective fluctuation,” or as U-M phrased it, “ride the same emotional rollercoaster,” according to the study. However, the mechanisms underlying them may “systematically” differ across the sexes.
Why Dont Men Show Their Emotions?
Men are socialized from an early age to believe that showing emotion goes against the grain of being a man. They risk losing their reputation as a stoic, tough person. Men are specifically persuaded that sobbing in public will undermine their masculinity. Regarding mental health, the same can be true.
Do Women Like Emotional Men?
In a 1,500-person Elite Singles survey, 95% of women said they preferred a man who was honest about his feelings, and 97% said they thought males sobbing was either powerful, natural, or healthy.
How To Trigger Emotional Attraction With Men?
Be an engaged listener, share personal experiences, and express affection in his love language in order to develop emotional attraction with a man. Don’t be scared to be vulnerable since it can inspire him to open up to you. A man feels emotionally drawn to someone when he feels accepted and appreciated for who he really is.
Search We Level Up FL Emotionally Unavailable Men Resources
 National Institute of Mental Health – ‘Depression’ (www.nimh.nih.gov)
 U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) (www.fda.gov/)
 Depression Treatment » Drug Alcohol Addiction Rehab
 Bandelow B, Michaelis S, Wedekind D. Treatment of anxiety disorders. Dialogues Clin Neurosci. 2017 Jun;19(2):93-107. doi: 10.31887/DCNS.2017.19.2/bbandelow. PMID: 28867934; PMCID: PMC5573566.
 NIMH – https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness
 Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors – National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine
 ‘Anxiety Disorders’ – National Institute Of Mental Health (Nimh.nih.gov)
 Psychopharmacology of anxiety disorders – National Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National Library of Medicine
 Products – Data Briefs – Number 379 – September 2020 (cdc.gov) Depression – National Institute of Mental Health
 Coping with Stress – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention